With Him, from When Angels Roar and Lions Weep (2025)
The traditional ideal of Woman is domestic, submissive, and lacks all forms of autonomy, while Man is invariably dominant and strong willed. My voice should be angelic, as if I sang every word I spoke. But what if I want to roar? What if he does not?
In my relationship, my partner faces obstacles from having a physical disability as well as many severe mental health diagnoses while simultaneously identifying as a man. These hurdles prevent him from taking on the traditional masculine roles of providing and protecting. Similarly, my dominant personality and my desire to shield my partner from a world polluted with ignorance leaves me to question my own display of femininity. Additionally, I face the battle of mental health struggles jeopardizing the many relationships in my personal life, which prevents me from solely being the protector.
After attempting to take on traditional gender roles, we have learned our untraditional situation requires non traditional practices. My partner's job is not to take care of me. Our roles ask for us to protect each other. No one wears the pants: we choose to each take them off.
When Angels Roar and Lions Weep conveys our rejection of the traditional definitions of man and woman and our roles as romantic partners. I aim to challenge those who believe women must always stand back, and men must always be forward.
“Women have served all these centuries as looking glasses possessing the magic and delicious power of reflecting the figure of man at twice its natural size.”
Virginia Woolf
A Room of One’s Own
“The idea of “healthy masculinity” does not liberate conscience from gender. “Healthy masculinity” keeps conscience gendered. And it’s not. Conscience is human. Human only. And only human.”
John Stoltenberg
“Why talking about ‘healthy masculinity’ is like talking about ‘healthy cancer'"
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Maya Angelou
"Phenomenal Woman"
“Patriarchy demands of men that they become and remain emotional cripples. Since it is a system that denies men full access to their freedom of will, it is difficult for any man of any class to rebel against patriarchy, to be disloyal to the patriarchal parent, be that parent female or male.”
Bell Hooks
The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love
